without means, do it

in the 3 am dim
I did not have the strength to listen again.

this is the con with eating your crow
alone. it’s lonesome.

better off to have the friends over, turn on
a screen or two, break out the bags
of drugs, crack open the cold ones.

make things loud, for godssakes.
otherwise, yes, the listening
to creaky Cole Porter records

spin an old memory of doing it,
falling in to an old experiment,
de-lovely, anything goes for a bit…

is a pretty type of painful. ‘I would
prefer not to,’ thank you very much,
I say to myself, scrivenerly.

can’t you tell?

It’s a burnt orange sky– like,
signaling-hell-orange with a purple threat.

My windows are tinted with sleet.

Those lit portals from the projects
seem like watch-posts,
or something. A hard thing is,
wondering whether or not to
still be sad.


The music sounds tinny and bleak,
but it is maybe one of your favorite groups.

If you do not eye-roll at the occasional bad
accent I don’t want to hear about it. This will

depress me. There should always be someone
coaxing from you a happy reaction; your true

laugh makes friends and family brighter. Test it.

modern romance

“all Brazilian coffee tastes the same”
he said with a wry grin, and she looked
like she wanted to punch him,

lips slightly parted, brow furrowed,
a slight twitch under her left eye.
“oh?” she managed to let slip from a forced

“was it something I said?”

oh. oh, no one knows these days how to date
or how to schedule a meet up for coffee.

they aren’t even a couple; they’re just two
people in line in front of me,

but gawd, look at them flirt. she turns away,
orders a cold brew, eager to leave the man’s
space. he checks out her ass.

I feel like crying and it’s not even 1:00 pm
on a saturday. nothing has touched my
tongue since some water that morning.

you know a bone can be sharpened once it
has left the body? I want to make a pick
and pry my eyes out, stab my ears deep.

my mouth will just keep on moving like always.

meadow creek haunting

A girl that goes back for seconds
on coffee is haunting my me.
She sits in the back

of my room, and comes out
when the light is on, or off
sometimes. She doesn’t seem
picky. You could call me that,

‘picky.’ She knows and giggles
little ghost giggles. They’re simply
terrifying: like little broken wind
chimes only inside, and the air
shakes some.

Toon Link

The Tiny Hylian Terror

This lil guy can spam with the best of them. Toon Link is fast in the air and quick with all sorts of projectiles. His arrows aren’t quite as quick as Young Link’s, but they’re still good at pestering; they seem to go a bit farther than YL’s fire arrows. The boomerang is a good tool, as are the bombs. These three toys used in conjunction make for toon link 2some pretty mean harassment. Toon Link’s up b doesn’t seem to have quite as much upward mobility, but it’s still a solid recovery option. The last sword strike can also kill at decent percents.

Toon Link has a pretty good aerial speed. His nair comes out fast, but doesn’t stay out too long. His bread and butter seem to be fair and bair. You chase down people with these all day, and both moves have kill potential. Uair is still a great kill move. I hate Toon Link’s dair, as it sends you straight down and limits any horizontal movement. Yes, it’s a pretty strong move, but I think you have to get creative to hit with it. It does spike, so maybe there is some potential with it as an edgeguarding tool. (I’ve messed up Wii Fit Trainer quite a bit with this dair, actually…) On the ground, I feel like all of his moves are good, but they seem to be missing a bit of ‘unf’. The back throw is still great, but it seems a bit nerfed. All of his smashes seem slightly… less powerful. The range leaves a lot to be desired. His f smash for instance hits only once, though it does hit above him a little. The up smash too, hits around Toon Link, and can kill, but he’s too short to do anything to people above him on platforms. I like the the forward tilt a lot (it hits above you as well) but again, the range leaves something to be desired.toon link 1

Toon Link is a character you need to zone and pester with before you do any real work with his sword. Some characters will be easier than others to chase down and punish, but Toon Link’s tiny lil sword and smashes aren’t big or scary enough to go toe to toe with someone like King K. Rool, Ike, Ridley, Snake, etc. That’s why you’ve got the bombs, arrows, and boomerang. Against other sword wielders with no projectiles, you should be able to especially abuse these toys. I think his strengths rest in his speed, both on the ground and in the air, and his solid set of b moves. The thing holding this guy back, in my opinion, is a lack of kill options. Yes, you he has them, but you’ve gotta get creative in late in the stocks. Remember the uair, the up smash, and be heavy on the bomb usage. You should be able to give most opponents hell.

toon link arrow

Mii Swordfighter

The Customizable Cutthroat

Like the Smash 4, the Mii characters are plenty fun to mess around with, but they always seem to be missing a little something. I’ll still attest to the best thing about this character being its customizable nature. All of the Mii’s b moves can be switched out with one another allowing you to create a relatively unique custom fighter. This is where the Swordfighter’s strengths lie, I think.


The Swordfighter’s normal attacks leave a lot to be desired. In the air, they’re not bad, simply because of the nair, which comes out pretty fast and hits all around you. Their bair isn’t really a kill move (okay, it can be, it comes out fast enough, save it for the end), the fair, uair, and dair can be, but the sweet spot is hard to land and they aren’t super abusable. Swordfighter’s jab is relatively slow and range overall seems to be the shortest out of the sword users in the game. Sure, forward smash can kill, up smash can kill; (up smash is not bad) and down smash comes out fast and shoots the target at a horizontal (and slightly downward?) angle. The throw game is meh. Maybe down throw and chase down with nairs at early percents, but there’s nothing here that feels fantastic. Especially the grab range. Hoo boy, it’s pitiful. The tilts aren’t bad, but they ain’t great. Again, range leaves something to be desired. Nothing really feels fast or powerful enough to lean on. I’ll just short-hop nair all day with this mii, to be honest.

The b/special moves are where you can really get creative and get your Swordfighter skills to shine. The neutral special move can help you harass or zone. Gale strike isn’t my favorite but it knocks the opponent up so you can try and follow up with nairs, or a uair for a kill if the percent is right and ceiling is low enough. Blurring blade seems to have a good amount of priority; it can kill, maybe, especially if you charge it. I’d rather just forward smash though… The shurikens are good little pesterers. They do more damage the farther they travel, so in the beginning of the match, your projectiles could be landing 9% – 8%, which is nice I think. They don’t give much knockback though, even at high percents.mii 2

Forward b grants you another projectile with the chakram if you want it. This thing has fun properties, and most people won’t probably know what to do with it, because let’s be honest, who has good Swordfighter match-up knowledge? Use the chakram to harass from far away at different angles, or throw out the short-range option: this will hit multiple times; it stays out longer, you can combo into a grab or smash (very useful, imho). Gale stab ain’t bad either. It works like a Ike’s side b. Will kill light people near the edge if they don’t expect it. Charge it, use it as recovery. (Swordfighter’s up b leaves a lot to be desired, distance-wise). The airborne assault is also decent horizontal recovery. This move travels FAR. It can also kill. It’ll stop at a ledge if used on ground, but in the air, you’ll kill yourself. (I’m pretty sure you lose you jump if you don’t connect with anything).

Up b special moves are all pretty decent. Again, distance-wise, the best may be the stone scabbard, but it mimics Ike’s, and sends you straight down too. It can also be interrupted near it’s apex. Very annoying. But, you’re allowed a little more horizontal movement with it. Combo it with up or down throws early on in percents. (It’s like Ike’s, but… yeah, just worse) The skyward slash dash mimics Fox’s up b. Control the direction of use, but be careful: after its spent, you’ve got very little control over your fall. It doesn’t hit as hard as fire fox, which takes away most kill possibilities, but allows you to chase or follow up with it. The hero’s spin is a poor man’s Link up b. It doesn’t go very high, but it can kill. I’ve seen people neutral b tornado into the hero’s spin, and this can kill at high temps at edges of the stage (if they don’t DI…).mii bros

Down b moves give swordfighter a reflector (very nice, easy to get the hang of; I like it more than Dr. Mario’s cape right now?!); Power thrust works like Captain Falcon’s falcon kick: horizontal on the ground, downward angle in the air. Hits twice when landing on the ground. Can kill late in percents. Pretty fast, decent priority. Then, if you’re that type of person, Swordfighter has a counter. From what I can tell it hits upward. This is similar to Smash 4 Corrin, I think? Still, obviously not as good as hers. Yes it can kill, I guess. Really, this is where your fighter flavor comes in. I like the reflector, I think the power thrust is the best on though. Use the counter if your heart tells you to counter.

Overall, the Swordfighter is a quirky character that I had a lot of fun playing with. The customizable move set adds an interesting layer of unpredictability that a lot of other fighters can’t really emulate. Still, I foresee a lot of rough match ups for this character, special moves aside. (The nair, though.. really is pretty great.)

Don’t Cry. Shane is Making a Tier List: Smash Ultimate Edition

Tires Don Exit



Be that as it may,

I think just as many people come to this blog to read poetry as they do for killer gaming techniques (ie, no one). So, I decided to give the public what they want and create a tier list for the 74+ characters in Super Smash Brothers: Ultimate.

It’ll be… a rather slow process to say the least. I mean, I’ve got over 70 goddamn characters to play and give my half-baked opinion on. Not all half-assed things can be done in a short amount of time. This half-assed project will take… jeez, at least a few months.

But check in every other day or so. I’ll be continuously adding characters to the tier list and giving my impressions on them as I play through the game. Comments and critiques are always appreciated. Also, I’m just one wrong person and these are my wrong opinions. Take them with a wrong grain of salt.

You can view the tier list and how it’s progressing here.